How to get elected to Congress

If George Santos can get elected, so can you.


One of the most recognizable buildings in America, where you could call home!

Amna Ahmad, Staff Writer

Being elected to Congress is a dream for many, but a reality for very few. It seems like a complex and unachievable task, requiring a stacked resume. However, as time passes and America progresses, people from all backgrounds and places grace the highest federal office in America. Hard work, determination, grit, and especially honesty are all important traits that exemplify the best in our governmental representatives. Nobody exemplifies these traits better than George Santos, New York’s 3rd congressional district representative. 

A Degree in Deceit 

Nearly all members of the 118th congress have an undergraduate degree, with most having a graduate degree as well. 94% of representatives and all but one senator have at least a bachelor’s degree.  But what if you don’t see yourself going to college or university? The easiest thing to do is to just lie about having a degree. Hundreds of thousands of people graduate with degrees every year, what’s one more going to do? It’s not like anyone will check right? Right? Wrong. George Santos claimed to have degrees from both New York University and Baruch College–both of which have no record of Santos earning a degree. But this information was only made public after he got elected. 

Have Vast Financial Experience

Imagine you’re going to Congress! There are certain skills you should have to perform well in the government. For example, being financially literate is seemingly the ideal path to take before heading into the office. How else would you know what insider trading is and how to get away with it? Nancy Pelosi, the world is looking at you. 

What is a better way to know everything about money than to work at a bank? It sounds impressive, you sound smart, and overall a win-win situation. George Santos apparently worked for the bank Goldman Sachs. It’s a position that Harvard graduates thirst over. Except banks as big and esteemed as Goldman Sachs prefer to hire smarter people than George Santos. 

Have you ever heard of perjury? It’s lying under oath. It is a felony. But what is a felony to George Santos? Probably means nothing. When asked by a judge, George Santos stated he worked for Goldman Sachs in New York. Goldman Sachs has no record of this employment. It could be that Goldman Sachs, an esteemed bank with assets worth over one trillion dollars happened to mess up their highly secure records and simply lose all trace of Santos’ employment, or George Santos spread a little fib. This simply cannot be the case right, since people in Congress don’t lie. 

Save Baby Animals

A pillar of the American government includes well-being and sympathy for those who cannot speak for themselves. Including puppies and kittens. Santos’ fake charity towards animals is a clear need in our government. Cats and dogs must have the same rights, and thanks to Santos, they are represented by the knowledge that Santos purchased them, even though the check that he purchased them bounced. Santos’s clear passion for representing those who cannot speak for themselves should bring him tremendous power in Congress to write and review laws regarding gun safety, tax rules, and other important legislation that affects us daily. Puppies and kittens currently have little voice in our current democracy, but will finally be seen as the important citizens they are, due to their ever-caring representative George Santos. 

We’ve gone over many “Do-s” but not many “Don’t’s”. There are certain things that you should avoid under any circumstances. 

Do Not Pay Rent 

Even if you happen to own thirteen rental properties in the hottest real estate market in the United States, who says you have to pay rent? As a congressman with so many useful contributions to American society, rent is beneath you. George Santos shows excellent real estate prose by claiming to own thirteen rental properties in a competitive market such as NYC, however, the record-keeping of real estate has once again failed George Santos, as there is no record of his supposed thirteen properties. In fact, he faced eviction several times in the rental property he lived in. This shows he is in fact highly qualified to be placed on a congressional committee–one that focuses on wasteful spending. 

Do Not Perform as a Drag Queen 

Everyone has a spotty past. There are times you grow up and want to experiment with new things. But unfortunately, dressing up in drag is one of the things you must deny, repeatedly. Who cares if there is photo evidence? A Brazilian drag artist, Eula Rochard posted a photo of her dressed in drag, with someone else next to her dressed up in a red dress, bright red lipstick, and wearing big earrings that looked uncannily like George Santos. But it couldn’t possibly be him, since he insisted that it was not him, and we know that George Santos always tells the truth. 

We hope these tips will guide you on a successful campaign. Be careful though, you don’t want to push it to the point where lawmakers of your own party are pushing for you to resign. The truth always comes out.